Sunday, January 3, 2010
New Year's Resolutions . . .
I usually make some sort of New Year's Resolution . . . but generally it's a plan to actually do what I'm always striving for anyway so it's no different than any other day of the year. This year I found myself torn. One moment I'd try to devise a strategy for keeping the house spotless in spite of the two priceless little bodies I care for and entertain every waking moment. The next I would realize my plan won't fit in with the conclusion I've come to lately about myself and the type of person I want to be. I get way too bent out of shape over things I can't control. I wish I could be relaxed, completely unconcerned about time constraints and patient with my children all the time. The other day, for instance, I decided to go for a walk right after Camilla's nap. It was 3:30 and I knew we had maybe an hour of daylight left. Also, Adrian would probably want to nurse at 4:30 or so. I should know that getting two children and myself bundled up for sub-30 degree weather, gathering water bottles, snacks, etc. is more than a five-minute job. But I was rushed and snappy. It wasn't until I was halfway up the hill, putting Camilla's gloves back on for the tenth time, that I realized I wasn't behaving like the mother I wanted to be. Sometimes I wish I could playback a recording of myself, but . . . ouch! I recognized again a truth that I know in my head, but can't seem to learn in my heart and translate into my behavior. If my house is immaculate, we have delicious healthy meals three times a day, if I'm in perfect physical condition and my writing is critically acclaimed, BUT I hurry my children, snap at my husband, and take for granted the people in my life . . . I have completely missed it. While I would like to achieve a measure of success in the aforementioned areas of my life, my most important resolution this year (and the one to which all others must give way) is to slow down and love my family the way Jesus wants me to. If I don't do that, none of the rest really matters.